Doctor Love: 12 Fascinating Facts About LOVE

Sure you’ve experienced it but there may be a few things you don’t know about the four letter word –L O V E.

Here are some of the most interesting things about love. If you want to learn more about this topic, please take a look at the references below. 

1. Sweat is an active ingredient in most perfumes and love potions in the past. Should you add a bit of sweat to your perfume? If you don’t stink, then it’s probably alright.

2.  Scientists say that most people would fall in love 7 times before settling down.

People who say they’ve never been in love have a rare disease called hypopituitarism wherein one does not or never feels the rapture of love.

3. The term LOVE comes from lubhyati, a Sanskrit word for desire.

4. In tennis, love means zero because some tennis players play for love in other words, playing for nothing.

5. Whenever one is heartbroken, one feels a certain type of pain. What is interesting is that, those who have been rejected show strong activity in their insular cortex –that part of the brain that signals and experiences physical pain.

6. Sometimes, the chase is an important component in having a romantic relationship.

7. Individuals with symmetrical faces have more lovers than those who don’t.

8. When women fall in love, they show more activity in that part of the brain that is responsible for memory.

9. Plato says in his Symposium that initially human beings were created whole that they had four hands, four legs, two identical faces, and were hermaphrodite. When they revolted against Zeus, the Greek God split them in two –man and woman. This created that innate desire to be with another human being to feel whole.

10. Falling in love is an urge –it is akin to sex and hunger –a primitive drive.

11. People who have intense romances i.e. the ones you see in the movies are more likely to divorce.

12. Romantic love lasts only a year or so. It is later followed by attachment love –a more stable kind of love.

References and Photo Credits

Ackerman, Diane. 1995. A Natural History of Love. Vancouver, WA: Vintage Books.

Ben-Ze’ev, Aaron and Ruhama Goussinsky. 2008. In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and Its Victims. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Buss, David. M 2006. “The Evolution of Love.” The New Psychology of Love. Ed. by Robert Sternberg and Karin Weis. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Cohen, Elizabeth. “Loving with All Your Brain.” CNN.com. February 15, 2007. Accessed: July 20, 2009.

Fisher, Helen. 1992. Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.

“The Drive to Love: The Natural Mechanism for Mate Selection.” The New Psychology of Love. Ed. by Robert Sternberg and Karin Weis. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.

Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York, NY: Henry Hold and Company, LLC.

Tresidder, Jack. 2005. The Complete Book of Symbols. San Francisco, CA: Chronicle Books.

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howstuffworks.com

layoutsparks.com

Doctor Love: Top 6 Famous Love Letters in History

Thinking of professing your love to that special someone? Don’t send a text message or an email. Please.

Here are the top 6 love letters from history that will surely melt the heart of the ladies and provide the men a bit of inspiration and a little bravado to follow in the footsteps of some of history's greatest men.

Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn

Artist Arthur Hopkins

Sure he said, “Off with her head!” in 1536 but when the infamous playboy Henry VIII was still so in love with Anne Boleyn, he wrote her this letter:

“I beg to know expressly your intention touching the love between us. Necessity compels me to obtain this answer, having been more than a year wounded by the dart of love, and not yet sure whether I shall fail or find a place in your affection.”

Anne and Henry had one child they named Elizabeth.  Elizabeth later on became one of the most famous English Queens in history.

Napoleon to his wife Josephine Bonaparte

Napoleon’s real waterloo is his wife Josephine and his letters to her shows that the French leader had a soft side. He divorced her when she couldn’t bear him children but continued to write her anyway.  

He wrote this letter on July 17^th, 1796 when they were still married and Napoleon had to leave to command the French Army in Italy's borders.

“Since I left you, I have been constantly depressed. My Happiness is to be near you. Incessantly I live over in my memory your caresses, your tears, your affectionate solicitude. The charms of the incomparable Josephine kindle continually a burning and a glowing flame in my heart. When, free from all solicitude, all harassing care, shall I be able to pass all my time with you, having only to love you, and to think only of the happiness of so saying, and of proving it to you?”

Beethoven to his Immortal Beloved

Beethoven in his younger years.

It is believed that famous musician and composer’s immortal beloved is Antonie Brentano, a daughter of a diplomat.  Brentano, a married woman, being Beethoven's Immortal Beloved has been disputed by scholars Goldschmidt, Beahrs, Gail S. Altman, and Marie-Elisabeth Tellenbach because Beethoven had a strict moral code. These scholars are firm in their opinion that Beethoven would never have an affair with a friend's wife. The wealthy merchant Franz Brentano is believed to be a dear friend of the composer. 

Aside from the heartfelt letters Beethoven sent to his Immortal Beloved whoever she may be, he also dedicated his Diabelli Variations Op. 120 to her. Here’s one of his letters:

“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm-love me-today-yesterday-what tearful longings for you-you-you-my life-my all-farewell. Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.”

Winston Churchill to his wife Clementine

The two were married for 57 years and constantly wrote to each other whenever one was far away from the other. In an interview released by the Smithsonian, Churchill quipped, "My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me."

The man who carried Britain through its darkest hour has a soft spot for one woman and one woman alone -his wife Clementine. This photo of the couple was taken on the Thames in 1940

This letter was written by the former British Prime Minister on January 23, 1935:

“My darling Clemmie, in your letter from Madras you wrote some words very dear to me, about having enriched your life. I cannot tell you what pleasure this gave me, because I always feel so overwhelmingly in your debt, if there can be accounts in love…What it has been to me to live all these years in your heart and companionship no phrases can convey.”

Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

When Frida Kahlo passed away in 1954, Diego was by her side.

The famous artist wrote to her husband frequently. She once said that there have been two grave accidents in her life –one when she was hit by a streetcar and the other –Diego. Below is the letter sent by Kahlo to Rivera in the year 1940:

“Diego my love- Remember that once  you finish the fresco we will be together forever once and for all, without arguments or anything, only to love one another. Behave yourself and do everything that Emmy Lou tells you. I adore you more than ever. Your girl, Frida (Write me).”

Ronald Reagan to his wife Nancy

Wallace asked the President why the office didn't weigh on him like it had on others and the camera cut to a rosy cheeked, vibrant and twinkle-eyed Reagan and his response was "well, maybe they didn't have a Nancy." (Mike Wallace's interview with Ronald Reagan) 

President Ronald Reagan wrote a number of letters to the First Lady from the time they met. He gave her this love note on Valentine’s Day in the year 1977:

“Dear St. Valentine,

I am writing to you about a beautiful young lady who has been in this household for 25 years now –come March 4.

I have a request to make of you but before doing so feel you should know more about her. For one thing she has 2 hearts – her own and mine. I’m not complaining. I gave her mine willingly, and like it right where it is. Her name is Nancy but for some time now I’ve called her Mommie and don’t believe I could change.

My request of you is –could you on this day whisper in her ear that someone loves her very much and more and more each day? Also tell her this “Someone” would run down like a dollar clock without her so she must always stay where she is.”

Photos via flickr.com, chestofbooks.com, theroyalforums.com, santamonicaflowers.com, fortheloveofausten.com, smithsonianmag.com, istanbul74.com, jerseynut.blogspot.com, barewalls.com, time.com

Article and Research: Sigrid Salucop

Doctor Love: Defining Beauty

Monica Bellucci

After fixing her hair in front of the mirror, one of my former roommates realized how fun it is to be single again. With a girl like her out on the prowl for the perfect guy –tall, handsome, intelligent, good pedigree and maybe a hint of the usual bad boy attitude women love, many women would be intimidated that she, a beautiful and educated young woman is single and available.

Sophia Loren

Confusion and Doubt: What makes a woman beautiful?

However, like many beautiful women, she does not see herself clearly. In fact, she doubts that she is beautiful.  This brings us to a rather important question, why is it that we can look at other women and say that they are perfect but when we look at ourselves, we see nothing but flaws. 

There are some Filipino women who are exempted from this rule though because some, even the not-so-beautiful, have so much confidence in themselves that one wonders where this confidence was bought.

                                                                         Photoshop Era

This is the era where models and beauty queens are being airbrushed and photoshopped like crazy, and we ask ourselves, what is cute compared to magazine beautiful? Yes, women know that these are unrealistic photos but we all strive so hard to look like we just leaped out of a magazine. Although some would say that they doll up to make themselves happy, it is human nature for women to try to look more beautiful to attract potential mates.

Being beautiful has its rewards but it’s not your makeup or the way your hair is pulled up or curled or whatever that will increase your chances of being deemed as an attractive female.

                       Mankind’s Quest for Beauty

Angelina Jolie

The secret to being attractive has been a part of mankind’s quest for as long as civilization is concerned. Cleopatra for one invented makeup to make herself look more attractive than her peers (or her subjects) while Marie Antoinette bathed in wine to ensure that she doesn’t age. Women and a few metrosexual men spend a third of their yearly income to make themselves look good.

All Comes Down To Genes

Marilyn Monroe

According to studies from a number of universities abroad, certain mathematical facial proportions are considered beautiful but its not just the mere arrangement of eyes and noses or how big one’s chin is that are taken into consideration. The human brain does more than recognizing what is beautiful and what is not because most usually assess emotions, fertility and personality along with beauty all at once.

When judging whether a woman is beautiful, men make a judgment of this woman’s health and vitality. Facial symmetry and how clear and smooth one’s skin is makes one beautiful and also means that a woman with such traits has good genes. You do not have to be porcelain white to be beautiful because beauty is recognized by the male brain across cultures no matter what your color. This however is only the tip of the iceberg.

The Difference between Men and Women

Dita Von Teese

A lot of people wonder why so many ugly men date beautiful girls but it’s not all about the money as one would conclude. A study published in Psychological Science found that women do not place physical attractiveness as very important compared to how their male counterparts see beauty. It was also found that when men are looking for potential mates, they usually do not factor in their looks making it possible for unattractive men to get lucky. 

Here’s a warning to the men out there though, according to the same study, people who have the same level of physical beauty usually date each other or get married but sometimes aspire to date or marry individuals who are slightly more attractive.

Catherine Deneuve

Reality

When reality sets in, the less attractive justify their choice of partners i.e. their less than beautiful partners by saying they are kind or have a sense of humor. Without a background on such studies, a regular person would just say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but this of course is just bullcrap (excuse the French). 

We don’t just zero in on the face though, the shape of one’s body and the height (especially in men) are things that are also taken into consideration. Women with an hourglass figure for example are the optimal choice for the strongest and most attractive of men.

Since attraction boils down to genetics, it would make one wonder whether that trip to the salon is still necessary. It probably isn’t.

N.B. 

One has to note that there are other things that attract men -it could be your sense of humor, your intelligence, etc.

SOURCES:

Tel Aviv University.(2008). Computer Taught To Recognize Attractiveness In Women.

Botting, K. (1996). Sex Appeal: The Art and Science of Sexual Attraction. St. Martin's Press.

Perrett, D. (2010). IN YOUR FACE The New Science of Human Attraction. Palgrave McMillan.

Photos:

theskinnystiletto.com

blogdolcevita.com

favim.com

whosthegirlnextdoor.wordpress.com

hellogoodbye.com

thelifefiles.com

Article Written By Sigrid Salucop

For more information about the science of attraction, you may refer to the videos below:

Doctor Love: Losing faith in love? Why you shouldn't

By Sigrid Salucop


Lost faith in love? Here are a few of the saddest yet most touching love stories of all time –let’s hope though that these won’t happen to you unless there’s a happily ever after involved. (Afraid you’d have to deal with yet another summary of Romeo & Juliet? Fear not, you won’t find the story of those teenagers here).

Heloise & Abelard

Photo via amolife

"Perhaps by mingling my sighs with yours I may make your sufferings less, for it is said that all sorrows divided are made lighter."  

          ~Heloise to Abelard in one of her letters to the monk

This love story involves that of a nun and a monk whose poignant love letters to each other became world famous and later on published as a book. In 1100, Pierre Abelard decided to study at Notre Dame in Paris. Being an outstanding philosopher and teacher later on, Abelard was hired by the canon of Notre Dame himself to tutor his niece Heloise. The two fell in love (Heloise and Abelard not the canon and Abelard) and Heloise conceived a child. They later married in secret but this love affair didn’t have a happy ending in sight. Thinking that Abelard would runaway and not marry Heloise, the canon sent men to castrate Abelard and forced Heloise to retire to a convent.[1]

Pierre Abelard became a monk and devoted the rest of his days to learning while Heloise decided to become a nun. Their misfortune did not stop them from loving each other and this love was shown through their letters. They met once again and for the last time during a ceremony in Paris. But what happened to their child? Heloise conceived a son and named him Astrolabe. He was only mentioned a few times in their letters and there are no other accounts as to what happened to the boy. Six hundred years later, Napoleon’s wife Josephine read about the story of Heloise and Abelard. Moved by their story, Josephine asked her husband that the remains of the couple be entombed together in Paris. To this day, Pere Lachaise Cemetery is still visited by lovers from the world over.

Odysseus & Penelope

Odysseys & Penelope, Oil on Canvas by Francesco Primaticcio 

Loving someone means you might have to sacrifice a few things. No other couple in history understands the meaning of sacrifice better than Odysseus and Penelope. After their wedding, Odysseus had to go to war. Penelope knew that he might not return but she still resisted 108 suitors who wanted to take Odysseus’ place. The two waited 10 years to see each other again. If you think you have sacrificed enough and can’t sacrifice anything anymore, you should take cues from Homer.

Pocahontas & John Smith

In the song Fever by Ella Fitzgerald, Pocahontas and Captain Smith were mentioned. Their love story however did not have a happy ending even if her father already accepted John Smith as a son after Pocahontas saved Smith from execution in 1608. Smith was injured later on and had to go back to England. According to legend, when the native Indian princess visited the fort to get news from Smith, she was informed that John Smith had already died. She later married a John Rolfe. It is said that she visited London with her husband to meet John’s friend. Pocahontas did not know that that friend was John Smith. During this meeting, the two saw each other after eight years but this was the last time that John Smith ever gazed at Pocahontas’ face.  

Loving someone takes a lot of hard work (sometimes at least) but if one compares what these couples went through, the task that you think is so difficult to do or the decision you think is so hard to make might just be a piece of cake. 

---

[1] There are other versions of this part of the story but this one is the most popular. In other versions, it was Abelard who sent Heloise to a convent because her uncle the canon of Notre Dame became very violent towards Heloise.

Doctor Love: Erectile Dysfunction

By Sigrid Salucop

For many Filipino men, having erectile dysfunction (ED) is an embarrassing problem. Although most men who have ED do not talk about it, an earlier study on erectile dysfunction in Filipino men, much like other races, affect 60% of those who suffer from diabetes or heart ailments.

How do you deal with ED?

Although the initial reaction is to find a solution on your own given the macho air most Filipino men have, self-diagnosis and self-medication are not really advisable because for you to be treated successfully, a medical professional must pinpoint the cause or causes of the ailment first.

ED Causes

This can be classified under two categories – physical or psychological. If the root of the problem is physical i.e. caused by a certain disease or a habit such as smoking or not eating the right kinds of food, the solution is pretty straightforward. If it’s roots are psychological however you may need to go through therapy. Determining what is causing sexual dysfunction is 50% of the solution that is why those who suspect that they have ED should contact a doctor as soon as possible.

ED Prevention and Treatment

There are a number of drugs advertised to help men with ED but medications such as Sildenafil and Tadalafil cannot treat erectile dysfunction and only aid in increasing blood flow into the penis or the penile region before sexual intercourse. It is important to note though that before you take any type of drugs or supplements that will help you maintain an erection, it is  imperative to consult with an expert. Men with conditions such as heart disease, history of stroke, heart attacks and the like are advised not to take drugs such as Sildenafil or Taladafil. Sildenafil is popularly known as Viagra and Taladafil is its arch rival in the industry more popularly known as Cialis.

Natural Treatments

We’ve heard this a dozen times before, you must eat right and get enough exercise to keep your body functioning like a well-oiled machine. A protein-rich diet is advisable for men suffering from sexual dysnfunction. This means that you should exercise regularly and include the following in your daily nutrition:

Cheese (parmesan, gruyere, traditional cheddar, feta, camembert, processed cheddar, ricotta)

Chicken Egg

Cow Milk

Soy Milk

Beef

Fish

Nori Seaweed

Green Vegetables

Potatoes

Soybeans

Peanuts

Whole Wheat

There are also a number of herbs and minerals that can help you get rid of ED or for those who are afraid of getting it to prevent it from happening to them. This includes Gingko, Horny Goat Weed (no pun intended), Folic Acid, Vitamin E, Ginseng, Yohimbe and Zinc.

Other Notes

Smoking also causes ED. If you are a chain smoker, it may be time to stop.

Disclaimer

This article was written as a response to an inquiry to the Doctor Love Column. The writer however is not a medical doctor. If you think you may be suffering from erectile dysfunction, you should consult with a physician immediately.

Here is a list of hospitals that provide erectile dysfunction treatments in Metro Manila, Philippines.

ASIAN HOSPITAL AND MEDICAL CENTER

This private hospital located in Muntinlupa City offers a range of medical services to both local and international patients. The hospital is the Department of Health’s and the Department of Tourism’s medical tourism partner.

ST. LUKE’S MEDICAL CENTER

A JCI accredited private hospital, St. Luke’s Medical Center is one of the most well-known multi-specialty medical institutes in the country. The hospital has been serving Filipinos for over a century. It has 1, 7000 affiliated medical consultants as well as over 600 inpatient beds.

THE MEDICAL CITY

This is a private, tertiary care hospital also accredited by the JCI. The Medical City serves 40, 000 inpatients annually making it one of the biggest health care facilities in the country.

WARNING!

Do not buy herbal Viagra. There are those who sell what they call "natural" Viagra but these pills are relatively unsafe and may cause complications.

Photos via beyondvitality.com

UPD not just about isaw (Diliman Diary Blog: 02.19.2012)

Photo via lutinolola.net

Studying in UP Diliman for years makes one not only miss the campus but the food served in the many restaurants and food stalls inside the university. The Beach House for example remains a favorite across generations of former UP students and even if there is actually no beach –just sand, UP students and alumni still frequent the place for their mouthwatering barbeque.

Contrary to what many outsiders believe, UP Diliman is not only the best place to eat isaw or fishballs, it is a place for a culinary adventure. The cheesecake and the chicken kiev at the Chocolate Kiss located inside the Bahay ng Alumni are just a few of my favorites. If you’re craving for fish, there’s this stall inside CASAA that serves blue marlin tuna in a rich butter and lemon sauce. There are a lot of dishes one can try inside UP Diliman. Although not all are that yummy, the food later on would be something that those who stayed in the university would truly miss once in a while. 

(Sigrid Salucop)

Doctor Love: My Pinoy Valentine By The Numbers

by Sigrid Salucop

Statistics taken from The Philippine Daily Inquirer

Doctor Love: Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars

While a 20-something guy friend is talking about getting laid, 20-something me is being emotional. These are two different things of course and one is not related to the other but it made me realize how different men and women are even if some women and some men have commonalities. 

A German magazine I read published a scientific study months ago, the study said that we are related to apes –now this is hardly surprising news but what the scientists found is that women and men are more related to apes than to each other. Is it really true that women are from Venus and men are from Mars? Under these circumstances how does one even find the right person to be with if men and women are so different? It is no wonder that some men date other men while some women marry each other. 

On Thinking Too Much

Women have a tendency to think too much when it comes to their relationships –Why hasn’t he called? Why hasn’t he emailed? Does he still love me?

A man would say that there is really nothing to decipher since men are used to straight talk and they will tell you if they like you or if they don’t but often there are grey areas and these are the areas that women dread. These grey areas drive us to ask ourselves a number of questions we cannot answer. One has to remember however that often, women jump into conclusions and often, we just end up hurting ourselves.

If he hasn’t booked the next date or hasn’t sent you an email, he is most definitely not that into you. Do you remember that movie of the same title? There are bits of information women can learn from that movie. If he doesn’t return your calls, it may be better to just leave him be. If he really likes you or love you for that matter, he will do something about it. Don’t go around pushing him or fighting for a spot in his heart because if you have to fight for a spot then it is probably not worth it.

When it comes to how men think, women must understand that men process information in a different manner. Women are global thinkers and take into consideration all sorts of information. Men on the other hand have a tendency to work on a problem repeatedly rather than addressing it all at once. Now these are just tendencies and are not absolute.

Cheaters Never Win?

Men and women are different through and through and I am not just talking about the birds and the bees. According to statistics, 60% of Filipino men cheat on their wives. This study was done in the mid-90s, it must be much worse now. The latter part of that sentence has no supporting evidence though so let's focus on what we know.  

Women cheat too but did you know that being emotionally attached to someone else is also defined as cheating by some women? 

Under Philippine law, a married woman can go to jail if she is seen holding hands with a man other than her husband while a man cheating on his wife must be caught in the act so that the wife can file charges against him. In the Philippines, both in matrimony and in politics, cheaters seem to win.

Tell Me How You Feel

Women are more verbal than men. If you remember Tarzan saying to Jane, “Me Tarzan, you Jane” this practically explains it all. Only very few men can tell you how they really feel. Women on the other hand can voice their emotions pretty easily.

Physical, Biological

No one would argue about the physical differences between men and women. Our physical differences have functional advantages and of course survival value. Men have body strength, have thicker skin that rarely bruise and they have thicker skulls too. This means that calling a man thick-headed is not at all far fetched. 

Men are built for physical confrontation that is why they are more reckless than women. Women on the other hand have more neurons and can access both the left and the right sides of their brains. This is the explanation on why women can multitask while men (who only have access to one side of their brains) have a tendency to solve problems one step at a time. 

Now this leads us to solving problems –any problem for that matter. Psychologist Michael G. Conner found that if one places a group of teenage boys and a group of teenage girls in a maze, the two groups would be solving the problem in a different manner. According to Conner, the boys build a chain of command and in this particular study, the boys explored the maze through the use of scouts. The girls on the other hand did not establish a chain of command and explored the maze together. Relationships among girls have a tendency to be co-equal and the use of collective intelligence is enforced.

The conclusion? We might be different but we can still get along..or not. Agree to disagree maybe? 

Photos via 

desicomments.com

guardian.co.uk

weird-websites.info

Questions? Comments? Reactions? 

You may email Doctor Love at

dr.lovebytes@gmail.com

Doctor Love: The Quest For Mr. Right, Defining Mr. Wrong

by Sigrid Salucop

Photo via candy-blush.com

Apparently the quest for Mr. Right is now a joke because nobody wants a guy who is always right. That however may have come from some cheesy anecdote from one of those chick flicks and will later on not contribute anything to this article. 

Mr. Wrong Mary J. Blige ft. Drake

The main reason I am stalling is to try and avoid telling the ladies that there might not be a Mr. Right so don’t get your hopes up. I could be wrong though. IMHO I think I may have already been proven wrong. Does Mr. Right exist? Sorry skeptics but I think he does. Unfortunately I just wasn’t Ms. Right. It seems that these things are a matter of perspective so there can’t be one formula we can follow to find Mr. Right, love after all was never meant to be mathematical no matter how many of us would love for it to be.

Mr. Wrong (1996) starring Ellen Degeneres

How do you find Mr. Right? You can find him in the most unlikely places –a street corner somewhere hopefully not selling drugs unless you are into that type, your favorite restaurant, the pet shop, he could be anywhere. In fact, he could be that guy sitting right in front of you. He could be the butcher you always see on Sundays when you do your groceries. It could be your seatmate in chemistry class or for the more adventurous, your physics teacher.

Mr. Right - A Rocket To The Moon

The quest for Mr. Right is a treacherous journey but to get to Mr. Right, you must avoid Mr. Wrong i.e. your ex-boyfriends or a person pretty much similar to those ex-boyfriends. The secret to finding this rather elusive person is to break away from your pattern. Apply a bit of statistics and you might (you just might) increase the probability of you meeting Mr. Right. The keyword here is “meeting” not marrying, no happy endings –don’t expect that because a Mr. Right could also become Mr. Wrong in the long run. Now that makes things more complicated and that makes the use of basic statistics useless. However, there is that window where everything goes right and there is a happy ending. Yay to Cinderella right there.

Mr. Right - Mickey Avalon

Now back to the pattern, if you only date certain types of men for example, it may be high time to go on a blind date. No one is saying that a fat, bald guy is nicer than the good looking ones –that is not true because sometimes they are even more annoying. In fact, in the Philippines, the ones we call fugly are the ones who usually have the nerve to cheat on us to compensate for their shortcomings contrary to the western opinion that an attractive man is more likely to cheat than the average-looking guy. This means that you should not lower your expectations but please try to open your eyes to certain possibilities.

The Right Man -Christina Aguilera

What is the chemical structure of Mr. Wrong? Again, there is no one formula but every girl has a unique formula of who Mr. Wrong is. One has to remember however that what you can offer is also directly proportional to the quality of the man you will end up spending your whole life with. Now this makes me wonder what Wallis Simpson had to offer the King.

Questions? Comments? Reactions? 

You may email Doctor Love at

dr.lovebytes@gmail.com


You can also post your comments below.

Doctor Love: Love Is A Battlefield

by Sigrid Salucop

Photo via dailymail.co.uk

A few months ago in Quezon City, a boy and a girl met for coffee to discuss a project. He was 31 and she 26. After their first chat, Mr. Costello, an Italian-Canadian businessman decided that they shouldn’t work together but go out for dinner instead. The date was perfect. They went to an art gallery, had dinner at Bellini’s and watched a movie.

She fell in love and so did he, or so he claimed. A few months and a lot of dates later, Mr. Costello had to leave the country for good. Painful as it was, the girl tried not to cry even if she knew that he was the one. With the girl leaving their usual rendezvous place in tears, I received a few emails from another girl who unlike Mr. Costello’s girlfriend or pseudo-girlfriend have not yet figured out how to determine if her boyfriend is the one. Whether Mr. Costello’s pseudo-girlfriend would get over the fact that she wasn’t the one for Mr. Costello or not, the question still remains, how does one know if the guy you are dating is the one?

A few discussions with girlfriends and male friends later, I got an interesting insight from the most unlikely source –a psychologist, a male one at that, by the name of Robert Sternberg. The idea was suggested by a male friend, leaving me to wonder whether men think about these things too. That question however will be discussed some other time when the need calls for it and once a survey is done.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love proved to be quite an eye-opener. The psychologist says that interpersonal relationships have three components –intimacy, passion, and commitment. I would like to explain this in detail but for fear that I might infuse my deluded view about love, I figured that it would be better for the readers to just take a look at the Forms of Love based on Mr. Sternberg’s theory.

Photos via wikipedia

In another part of the country, another girl was writing an email regarding her boyfriend not spending enough time with her. A workaholic, he rarely finds time to see her making her feel unwanted. This leads me to think that he either just loves his work or does not love his girlfriend enough. Women must remember though that men are not mind readers and not telling them about the things that worry you means they will never know you actually have issues that need to be discussed. Keyword –communication.

While listening to Pat Benatar crooning Love Is A Battlefield, another girl has realized that the alarm to her biological clock has already gone off and she can’t put it on snooze anymore. Like many women, she would like to get married and have kids one day. The only problem is, her boyfriend dodges the marriage question and have done so for so many years. This has happened to a lot of women I know and the only solution is to ask him if he has plans to get married. If his answers are vague don’t start playing Smoke On The Water just yet because your relationship is not about to be burned to the ground, at least not yet. There is a way ladies, the first one is to give him an ultimatum. Stand your ground on this one because if you don’t, you will end up losing and wasting time. I believe too that if he loves you, he will marry you.  

There is however another option –common law marriage. Common law marriage i.e. a live-in relationship is included in the Family Code of the Philippines. This however is not something that women would want especially because there are legal ramifications once a couple under a common law marriage decides to have children among other legal complications about other things.  If you would like to be married i.e. with complete documents, tell your boyfriend about it. If he does not give you the answer you are hoping for, it may be time to start dating other people.

While most women wonder about what their boyfriends think about certain things, some are in the verge of joining the other team. Both attracted to males and females, Andrea asked me if what she was feeling was normal. The first response to the question of normalcy is me asking what is normal. Andrea however may just be bi-curious. As Katy Perry said in one of her songs, I kissed a girl and I liked it so the solution to Andrea’s problem is to try both out and see which fits better.

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You may email Doctor Love at

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