Saturday, November 26, 2011

Doctor Love: Love Is A Battlefield

by Sigrid Salucop

Photo via

A few months ago in Quezon City, a boy and a girl met for coffee to discuss a project. He was 31 and she 26. After their first chat, Mr. Costello, an Italian-Canadian businessman decided that they shouldn’t work together but go out for dinner instead. The date was perfect. They went to an art gallery, had dinner at Bellini’s and watched a movie.

She fell in love and so did he, or so he claimed. A few months and a lot of dates later, Mr. Costello had to leave the country for good. Painful as it was, the girl tried not to cry even if she knew that he was the one. With the girl leaving their usual rendezvous place in tears, I received a few emails from another girl who unlike Mr. Costello’s girlfriend or pseudo-girlfriend have not yet figured out how to determine if her boyfriend is the one. Whether Mr. Costello’s pseudo-girlfriend would get over the fact that she wasn’t the one for Mr. Costello or not, the question still remains, how does one know if the guy you are dating is the one?

A few discussions with girlfriends and male friends later, I got an interesting insight from the most unlikely source –a psychologist, a male one at that, by the name of Robert Sternberg. The idea was suggested by a male friend, leaving me to wonder whether men think about these things too. That question however will be discussed some other time when the need calls for it and once a survey is done.

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love proved to be quite an eye-opener. The psychologist says that interpersonal relationships have three components –intimacy, passion, and commitment. I would like to explain this in detail but for fear that I might infuse my deluded view about love, I figured that it would be better for the readers to just take a look at the Forms of Love based on Mr. Sternberg’s theory.

Photos via wikipedia

In another part of the country, another girl was writing an email regarding her boyfriend not spending enough time with her. A workaholic, he rarely finds time to see her making her feel unwanted. This leads me to think that he either just loves his work or does not love his girlfriend enough. Women must remember though that men are not mind readers and not telling them about the things that worry you means they will never know you actually have issues that need to be discussed. Keyword –communication.

While listening to Pat Benatar crooning Love Is A Battlefield, another girl has realized that the alarm to her biological clock has already gone off and she can’t put it on snooze anymore. Like many women, she would like to get married and have kids one day. The only problem is, her boyfriend dodges the marriage question and have done so for so many years. This has happened to a lot of women I know and the only solution is to ask him if he has plans to get married. If his answers are vague don’t start playing Smoke On The Water just yet because your relationship is not about to be burned to the ground, at least not yet. There is a way ladies, the first one is to give him an ultimatum. Stand your ground on this one because if you don’t, you will end up losing and wasting time. I believe too that if he loves you, he will marry you.  

There is however another option –common law marriage. Common law marriage i.e. a live-in relationship is included in the Family Code of the Philippines. This however is not something that women would want especially because there are legal ramifications once a couple under a common law marriage decides to have children among other legal complications about other things.  If you would like to be married i.e. with complete documents, tell your boyfriend about it. If he does not give you the answer you are hoping for, it may be time to start dating other people.

While most women wonder about what their boyfriends think about certain things, some are in the verge of joining the other team. Both attracted to males and females, Andrea asked me if what she was feeling was normal. The first response to the question of normalcy is me asking what is normal. Andrea however may just be bi-curious. As Katy Perry said in one of her songs, I kissed a girl and I liked it so the solution to Andrea’s problem is to try both out and see which fits better.

Questions? Comments? Reactions? 
You may email Doctor Love at


  1. To Andrea, mas mabuti ng malaman mo ng maaga kung ano talaga ang gusto mo. Don't be like me. It took me years to figure out what I really want.

  2. Triangular Theory of Love for the win! This is very useful. Thanks!

  3. You'd be surprised by how more and more women in the local society are going the way of female-female partnership...there must be some greater sense of fidelity and security within the relationship...earlier on, there's less of the stressful and emotion draining masquerade that so marks the heterogeneous chase...well, who wouldn't go for one who's as goodlooking, quirky, intelligent and charming as Ellen D.!

  4. They say, being in a female-female relationship means one is in a more loving relationship.


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